Marital Infidelity (emotional &/or sexual) - naïve in love or just plain spiteful ?

Film Review — Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

A Love… That Broke All Relationships

This film, released in 2006, was part of the Bollywood industry’s golden era (2000s-2010s), a period known for its quality films, unlike the present. Overall, it was a good movie about infidelity in marital relationships, but it felt stretched out as it was more than 3 hours long. Even so, this film is highly misunderstood and way ahead of its time.

Most of the audience claim this to be a film that glorifies cheating; well, does it? Let’s dive into it!

Spoilers of the film ahead — (yeah, I know the movie is old; but I still don’t wanna spoil it for people who haven’t watched it yet!)

Here’s the summary of the plot.

( scroll down to ‘my honest in depth review’ if you have already watched the film! )

Set primarily in New York City, the narrative explores themes of marital infidelity’ emotional dissatisfaction, and dysfunctional relationships, and was promoted with the tagline “A Love… That Broke All Relationships. The director opted for a more mature and controversial storyline, for a change.

Dev Saran (played by Shah Rukh Khan), a professional soccer player in New York City, lives with his wife Rhea (played by Preity Zinta) , son Arjun, and widowed mother, Kamaljit (“Kamal”) (Kirron Kher).

Dev and Rhea’s marriage is based on a past friendship and convenience, while Maya marries Rishi out of guilt. This sets up both relationships for failure from the start.

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Eventually; the film again came into limelight when other old films of Karan Johar were re-released in theatres in the past 2 years; like — ‘Kal Ho Na Ho’ , ‘Veer Zara’, etc. I thought why not watch ‘Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna’ at home while eating a large pizza post midnight!

Discussions often center on its progressive themes and its willingness to challenge the conservative ideals of marriage prevalent in Indian society. The film is now considered a significant work in Johar’s filmography for its narrative risk-taking.

The ensemble cast, including Shah Rukh Khan, Rani Mukerji, Preity Zinta, and Abhishek Bachchan, was widely praised. There was emotional depth and complexity the actors brought to their characters, with special mention for Abhishek Bachchan’s nuanced performance as a loving but betrayed husband.

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My honest in-depth review

Though, this film was — according to me — a really honest portrayal about falling in love even when you are married to someone else.

The film reveals a layered and complex narrative that goes beyond a simple tale of infidelity. The theme of the film being marital dissatisfaction, emotional needs and the search of identity.

Okay, tell me something. What do you think about Dev & Maya’s affair? Was it just physical? Or was there a sense about finding emotional validation, a connection — something which both of them lack in their own married lives; Dev with Rhea & Maya with Rishi?

Did Dev really love Rhea?

Did Maya really love Rishi?

Struggling with her (Maya’s) own past trauma of being an orphan and possibly feeling unloved, Rishi and his family have taken care of her since her childhood. This act may have made Maya marry Rishi out of obligation & gratitude for her past, rather than love.

Rishi’ — a genuinely green flag guy; loves Maya unconditionally; yet fails to understand what’s going wrong in their marriage, whether he is good enough for her.

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Theme of the film -

There is a sense of “soul mate” type connection in this film; ( I know, typical Bollywood story); the connection as mentioned in the film, can even happen with someone other than your own spouse. That sounds like cheating, doesn’t it? Well, from here, it gets complicated.

These characters consistently fail to express their true feelings, frustrations and needs which leads into resentment and emotional distance.

Do they need to just sit with their own spouses and have an open discussion about their feelings? Both of their partners (i.e. Dev’s wife & Maya’s husband) were perfectly good partners ( well, for the most part ). Both Dev and Maya lacked communicating, and this is where the distance started.

They felt seen and heard by each other (Dev and Maya) that is majorly why they were spending time together) ; which they did not feel in their own marriages. Maybe marriages sometimes fall apart because we don’t put efforts to maintain the liveliness in it?

Human emotions are complex to understand — even a feeling like love, is not that simple to understand. Human beings have a profound need for emotional connection, even if it leads to morally ambiguous choices.

Dev has a lot of resentment and a deep sense of emasculation.

Dev is drawn to Maya because she, too, is emotionally unfulfilled. With her, he finds someone who understands his pain and doesn’t judge him, giving him a sense of validation he lacks at home.

Maya is not able to reciprocate Rishi’s love and affection, making her feel guilty for not being a good wife to him. It comes naturally with Dev (Maya’s love for Dev), maybe they find each other in the same situation — that they can relate to each other’s emotional dissatisfaction, personal trauma individually, and the search for love and fulfillment in their own marriages.

The film presents flawed individuals whose emotional journeys are central to the narrative.

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Rewind to the main scene of confrontation

Let’s go to the scene where Dev and Maya decide to tell their respective spouses about each other’s affair ; there’s one major point to be discussed here.

When Dev tells Rhea about his affair with Maya; devastated, she asks if he loves Maya. He responds, “How does it matter?” (Kya farak padta hai?) To this she responds “Mujhe farak padta hai” ( “I care whether you love her or not”)

Her first question is about whether her husband loves this other woman.

When Maya tells Rishi, he spirals up; throwing things in anger, obviously, annoyed. His whole life shattered into pieces when she told him the truth. Rishi asks, furious about the truth, — “Did you sleep with him?” Maya stays silent. His first thought is whether his wife slept with the guy, instead of asking if she has feelings for the guy.

Both cheat on their partners. The experience is the same. Being cheated on is painful regardless of gender. But, recent research suggests that men and women may experience and react to infidelity differently.

Perspectives of men and women on infidelity can differ significantly.

Men are often more distressed by sexual infidelity, while women may be more deeply affected by emotional infidelity.

Men see sexual infidelity of their partner as a violation of the physical bond between him and his partner.

Women often report greater distress over emotional infidelity, where their partner forms a deep emotional connection with someone else, even without physical intimacy.

This is obviously a generalization, this might not be the case every single time.

Most men try to rationalise their choices of getting sexually involved with someone else.

( I am not justifying men’s acts as morally right or wrong.)

Female sexual infidelity is much more likely to begin as emotional infidelity (still not justifying her cheating). Women tend to become emotionally involved with their lovers before they cross the line into sexual acts.

That emotional involvement often inspires the desire for more; more time, more commitment, in short — more relationships. For most women, the significance of the emotional dimension is over and above the sexual act. (that doesn’t mean she decides to forgive her partner; that’s a discussion for another time)

Let’s be honest. Very few people like the idea of their partners having sex with someone else, and very few people like the idea of their partners becoming emotionally entwined with a third party. Both of these are common reasons for conflict and divorce.

Let’s take an example. If both groups are forced to choose between a scenario in which their partner enters into a chaste but emotionally intimate relationship with a third party and one in which their partner enters into a sexual relationship devoid of emotion.

Men are more likely to prefer the first option, and women are more likely to prefer the second.

(This study appears in David Buss’s book — The Evolution of Desire.)

There is a difference in attitude reflected in how men and women try to justify their infidelity.

These behaviors tend to differ with respect to relationship satisfaction, motivation, and dimensionality. By examining what makes them different, we can consider some of the divergent ends to which men and women form — and maintain — their relationships.

Thank you so much for reading this whole thing :)

What do you think about their affair? Who is right & or wrong according to you? Let me know in the comments! 😀